guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
