i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
