Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
