um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
