does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
