i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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