there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize