Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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