It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
