I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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