i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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