got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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