I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
