dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
