Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize