Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
