He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
