Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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