I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just gift wrapped bread.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
