My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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