There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
