i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
