Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
