i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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