I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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