I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
