I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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