Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
