Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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