i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
