It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize