I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
