You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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