Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
