JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
