she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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