it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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