I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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