the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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