Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
home. puking in laundry basket.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
