got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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