I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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