So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
