it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
