I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
