you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize