I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
