so that wasnt chicken after all
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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