filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
