once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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