Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
