I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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