So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
