JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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