woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
