Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
