like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
