I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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