so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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