your parents love me but you hate me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
