we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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