So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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