So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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