dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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