captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
