What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
