I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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