i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
