It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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