I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
